"How If?"

"Will I give up now?"

"How if I fail?" 

Oh God, this is too hard for m, and I can't handle this"

Some thought of mine from the first January - right now. I know that everyone is struggling with their own journey, but in this year, God really showed and taught me that is never easy. This dunya is only a place to see how patient we are to face all of these challenges. 

"Why was she fine and had a better journey than me?" 

The second problem of mine is I couldn't stop to compare my self with others. But again, life is a process. Day by day, I compared my self, and then I was grateful, and it was repeated in the next day till I realized that Allah SWT will never give the same portion for his slave. Allah SWT knows the best.

I was busy with my work. Everyone knows that my schedule is full, but they never knew how I handle all schedules. They never knew how hard for me to give "me time" for my self, and they never knew that I am doing this because I need it. 

Did I ever feel lonely? The answer is totally yes. It was almost everyday for me to feel lonely, but I guessed that it was not really hard for a person who has an introvert side like me.

Well, sometimes life is too complicated and full of problems, but don't ever forget that you are not the only one person who got the challenges, so just face it and be patient. Trust me, You Will shine. 

With love

Yuli

The Lowest Month

Talking about 2023, and now is still February. It means that I've just passed my January. I can't describe how hurted i am in January, but I can't also describe how those pain taught me so much strenght. Sometimes I just wanna be animal who do not think about something, but you know that's Impossible. January taught me some lessons below.

First, January taught me that I am not ready to fall in love again. If you are in a situation where you can not understand people whom you love, so we are on the same boat. I don't know is this normal or not, but I guess everone will feel it in different time. I am afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of knowing a new guy, I am afraid of talking with boys about my privacy, and yess I just trust my best friend to hear about this till they said "Every feeling is real and you don't need to deny it".

Second, January taught me about failure. For the first time in my 2023, I got failure in my academic. Was I sad? Of course YES. I felt so broken heart after looked at the announcement, and I cried till I didn't teach during two days. "Success and failure are the color of your journey" My mom said via telephone while comforting me. It was not success till one day, I stayed alone and did my reflection while remembering my mom and something that happened in the latest of my life. I realized that I got failure more than once, and see I still got my dream, so now I believe that every struggles will give you sweet results. besides, the most important thing to remember is you do not compete with other people, but you compete with your own self.

And the last, January taught me that now is already the time for me to think about not only my self, but also my mom. You know, what I mean is not about one thing, but it's about everything (Financial, Health, Happiness, and Decision). I can't tell how hurted I am at that time when I was faced with the worst thing in my family. I cried like I don't care people will listen or not. I told my self for giving up, but my mind denied it.

Last but not least, I just wanna tell my self and everyone who is in the lowest moment now that God will never leave you even when you don't have someone to hug you. Remember Allah is with you.🤗